by Jill Katz
One to Zen Organizing, LLC
The Story
It all started with a text from my daughter suggesting that I read an article that she thought I'd like. How exciting! How often had I sent my daughters links to articles I thought they would like. (And how often were those texts ignored?) But now, in an interesting turn of events, the roles were reversed—and you can bet that I was going to give this article a thorough read.
She was right. The article ("Ask Culture vs Guess-culture" by Jean Hsu) was right up my alley. Here's the gist:
In 2007, a MetaFilter user named ‘Tangerine’ described two distinct communication styles:
Ask Culture
● Ask for what you want, even if you think the the answer might be "no."
● Let the other person decide what works for them.
● Trust that people will say "yes" to what works and "no" to what doesn't.
Guess Culture
● Only ask if you're fairly certain the answer will be "yes."
● Avoid putting others in a position to say "no."
● Drop cues and hope the other person picks up on what you want
After reading the article, I quickly realized: I'm a "Guess Culture" gal. And I'm not sure that's a good thing.
5 Ways Guess Culture Disrupts an Organized, Productive Mind
There are pros and cons to both cultures, but here I’m focusing on the five ways Guess Culture negatively impacts organization and productivity
1. Guess Culture Creates an Overthinking Loop
Many neurodivergent folk—myself included—gravitate toward Guess Culture. When you miss social cues, you tend to overcompensate. For instance, instead of directly asking a neighbor if she can host a family member for Thanksgiving, I might drop hints, make lists of ways to phrase the ask, or invite her over just to create a potential path to "yes." That’s a lot of effort to avoid a simple question.
2. Guess Culture gets in the way of delegating and problem-solving
Asking for help is essential. Delegating is often a key solution to a problem. But in Guess Culture, we hesitate. We second-guess our own needs and make it harder to move work off our plates.
3. You can't get clarity on your preferences
When you're always anticipating others' needs, you lose sight of your own. In organizing and productivity, clarity on your goals is everything. Without it, your day fills with tasks that serve everyone but you.
4. Guess Culture blurs boundaries
Boundaries help us assert our needs, but Guess Culture muddies the water. Say Alexa wants a ride home from an event but doesn't ask. Instead she says "Public transportation is going to be terrible tonight." She hasn’t asked, but she’s hoping someone will offer. This puts pressure on others to read between the lines and ignores her own need to practice a direct ask.
5. Guess Culture messes with prioritization
One of the pillars of executive functioning is prioritizing your tasks. But in Guess Culture, people often:
● Take on tasks no one asked for
● Ignore important things that weren't hinted about
● Get resentful when their unrequested help goes unacknowledged
Trying to do it all for everyone else leads to burnout, scattered energy, and a lack of strategic focus.
How Can You Fix It?
Push Yourself To Make the Ask
The simplest and most effective strategy: Catch yourself in a Guess Culture and break the cycle. Ask Directly -- Practice makes progress.
If you need to work your way up to it, you can try:
● “Can I ask something directly?”
● “Would you be open to…?”
● “Totally fine to say no, but I’d love to…”
Choose Clarity Over Comfort
Growth happens when you sit in discomfort. Try:
● Asking a question in a meeting
● Making a request so you know if an option is viable
● Naming your preference before asking for someone else's
Normalize Hearing & Saying "No"
The fear of"no" fuels Guess Culture. Practice hearing it gracefully and then responding with:
● "Thanks for letting me know"
● "I appreciate your honesty"
● "No worries - I just needed to get an answer"
Practice saying "No" to others:
● "Thanks for thinking of me but I'll have to pass"
● “I really appreciate the offer, but this isn’t something I can take on.”
IN CONCLUSION
Guess Culture can sneak into every part of our lives—from plans with friends to working with clients—and quietly chip away at our clarity, confidence, and productivity. But we don’t have to stay stuck there.
- When we give ourselves permission to ask directly, say "no" freely, and choose clarity over comfort, we create space for real connection—and more peaceful, productive lives.
Do you identify with Guess Culture or Ask Culture? Do you have any stories to share or tips to offer? I would love to hear from you.
For more information, contact Jill Katz.
